So, after I spent an hour or more praying and crying out to God, face-down on the living room floor, telling Him all of the burdens on my heart, the fears I had been holding onto, and my desire to ultimately surrender to His will, I asked that God would reaffirm our calling and especially the new possibility of living in Nasir. It has only happened a couple of times since last fall, but on occasion someone would make an off-hand comment about our desire to serve in South Sudan and I would have a few minutes of doubt. Are we making a mistake? Were we really called or did we make it up? It usually didn’t last long, because all I had to do was join an Every Village prayer call, watch a video or look at pictures of South Sudan, or spend any amount of time in prayer and I KNEW that we were absolutely following the specific calling placed on our lives. Oh, and anytime I mentioned even an inkling of doubt to Blaise, he’d just remind me with such strong conviction that we have to go.
Well, during the Jonah months, I doubted almost everything. I had completely lost sight of the big picture…the one with Jesus smack dab in the center of it. All I could focus on were the waves of life crashing around me, and I could barely even remember what it felt like to be in South Sudan. Seriously, dark time in my life.
So I prayed and I BEGGED God to speak to my heart about this, to refresh me, and to reassure me that all of this madness is for His glory and His will.
It was then Saturday, two days after I prayed so fervently. We had been BUSY for those two days, though, so I wasn’t thinking much about having our calling affirmed and I had not talked to ANYONE about the details of that prayer…I only told Blaise that I finally really cried out to God and felt that He had moved in power that night on the living room floor. Anyway, we got home Saturday evening and I had a package in the mail from a dear friend whom I met on my very first trip into Sudan…Mandy Gehle. I could feel through the package that it was a book, and because she also has an intense passion for serving the South Sudanese, I assumed it was a book about the country, the people, or perhaps even a dictionary.
Oh no. I couldn’t have possibly prepared myself for the beautiful, tattered answered prayer I pulled out of that package. In my hands, I held a complete Holy Bible translated into Nuer (Thok Naath). I literally just sat down on the couch and wept. I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and God’s presence, and I KNEW that this was His response to that prayer. The timing was absolutely divine, as Mandy had asked me for my address MONTHS ago, but wanted to get the Bible rebound before sending it. She decided that week to just send it anyway, missing cover and all!
This beauty is now a part of my daily devotional time, because I desire so much to be able to learn some of my favorite Scriptures in Nuer before getting to Nasir so that I can share the Word with my brothers and sisters in their heart language. I still, more than a week later, get teary-eyed when I think of how God has just continued to show me over and over again to just keep pushing through despite my emotions, despite others’ opinions, and despite the trials.
Yes, following Christ will wreck your life, but it will also bring about some of the most beautiful, moving moments with Him ever.
