We’re in the process of planning our move to Houston, Texas for our seven months of training, and I have to say, this process is overwhelming. There are moments when I’m really excited, because once we get there we’ll be with our team members, with the Every Village team, and feeling very encouraged and supported. Plus, it’s just one giant step closer to South Sudan, and it’s a new adventure. (And it’s warmer in the winter…great for two people who live in a camper!)
Most moments, however, I feel frustrated and anxious. I’ve never relocated to another state before, and there are a million details to consider: jobs, health insurance, place to live, timing, families, house management, and on and on.
The biggest challenge thus far has been trying to secure jobs. There are actually many jobs available in Houston, but the problem comes when we get the call for an interview. It’s costly to fly down to Houston, especially last-minute when flights can cost up to $600/person (or all of our reward miles), and it doesn’t seem wise to use that many resources on only one interview. Talk about putting all of our eggs into one basket! I have received two phone calls this week for job interviews, and I have had to make a decision on how to proceed. (Fortunately, one place was awesome in allowing me to meet first over the phone, and then if all goes well, I will fly down for a face-to-face interview. Patient, kind, and understanding…sounds like a great principal to work for!)
Anyway, all of this uncertainty has put me into a very uncomfortable position. I am naturally Type A, which means that I like to have all of my ducks in a row and outlined in a strategic plan. Well, my ducks are NOT IN A ROW! I know where we’ll be living, but I don’t know where we’ll be working, how much we’ll be making, when we’ll be moving, or pretty much anything else.
And I think that’s exactly where God wants me. I like to have a plan and to feel some semblance of security, but right now I am being asked to walk by faith, not by sight…by faith.
And do you want the honest truth?
I don’t like it. I’m squirming and I’m uncomfortable. I want all of the answers, and I want to see how things are all going to come together in order for this to happen. I want to know that we’ll find jobs and that the timing will be impeccable. I want to see where we’ll be living and to know that our paychecks will cover all of our expenses. I want to feel security and predictability.
However, none of that is promised to us. I have to trust that because God is calling us to this, He will provide. I don’t get to know how and when, and I don’t even get to know if it will work out as well as I hope. Maybe we’ll struggle financially while we’re there. Maybe one of us won’t secure a job until after we move. Maybe a million other things. It’s really, really scary!
Again, though, I think that’s exactly where God wants a Type A, ducks-need-to-be-in-a-row person like me. I cannot see how it will fall into place, so I’m faced with a decision: either stay here in comfort and disobedience, or trust Him to provide all of the details in His timing.
I cannot tell you how much this is stretching me. I know that this season is to refine me and prepare me for a life of missions, but I also know that it is painful. Growth hurts, but I’m learning that growth doesn’t happen in places of security and comfort; growth happens when we are challenged, when we are spit out of our comfort zones, and when the safety nets have been ripped apart.
I feel like I have no ducks, but I know that I have something much better…I have a God who is larger than the sum of the whole world’s problems, and He “works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). I have to be faithful and do my part, and He will work things out according to His plan, His purpose, and His timing. And that’s the promise I’m clinging to as we move forward into the great unknown called Seven Months in Houston, Texas.
So there you have it. No ducks = walk by faith.